It’s a dirty job

Winter was tough on my garden.

Perennials have become non-perennials, and their demise left some divots in my flower beds.

No problem. I’ll just buy some dirt to level things out.

Dirt? There’s no such thing as dirt any more, at least not in garden centers.

They have topsoil, potting soil, garden soil, vegetable garden soil, garden soil for raised beds, and mushroom soil.

They recommend testing the soil, amending the soil, preparing the soil. Mixing in compost and manure to add nutrients. Mixing in perlite, vermiculite, and peat moss to aerate the soil and retain moisture.

If I did all that, I’d be taking much better care of my soil than I do myself.

What ever happened to just plain dirt?

It has to be around. I see it all the time. Under my fingernails. In the corners of my house. On the floor of my car -- and my garage. I hear the whine of dirt bikes on nearby trails. I’ve even made a dirt dessert out of crushed Oreo cookies.

I guess dirt has gone all upscale. Bought into branding. Trying to differentiate itself in the market.

Good for dirt. Sorry, I mean SOIL®.

But back to my garden. I dug around, found some old dirt, spread it out, and now everything is ready for planting. I’m not even going to bother with nutrients or mulch or other fancy schmancy soil amendments.

There are so many colorful, interesting flowers at the farm market, I'll just buy replacements for those that don't thrive at my place.

Now that winter's finally over I can get outside and keep up with the garden. It's a dirty job, and that's half the fun.

What exactly do you do?

I write for a living. For businesses. So naturally my ear is attuned to copy, especially when it’s intended to draw readers into learning more about a company.

Recently I ran across several examples of epic fail.

Below are word-for-word descriptions from actual websites (with original typos and grammar glitches).

BTW: I still don’t know exactly what these companies do.

• We at [company name] earned vertical niches in global industry through our ability to respond to our clients with custom solutions that resolve issues rather than conceal conceptual and architectural flaws with boiler-plate responses that never quite fit the client’s need. Capability, ingenuity, response, and a commitment to excellence are the foundation of every [company name] relationship.
  
• [Company name]is the business improvement company that helps you motivate the people who drive your business. We providing tailored solutions that help you get the most out of your most valuable assets: your people.
  
• For companies seeking specific bio-based solutions, we orchestrate the disparate activities that facilitate technology development in order to deliver a customized solution. Specifically, we work hand-in-hand with you to identify relevant technology and determine its technical feasibility. If technical feasibility is promising, we will collaborate to develop, scale-up and deliver a de-risked commercially-viable technology package customized to your precise needs.

A Google search of “customized solutions” turned up 2,370,000 results. In 0.40 seconds

Hard to believe there’s that degree of customization among companies that lack the creativity to simply explain who they are and what they do.

You don't have to be a writer to recognize lazy writing -- or to shudder at what this implies for the brand or the business.

Hey baby

When choosing a name for your brand, the rules – both common sense and according to those who know – are pretty basic.

• Keep it simple and honest
• Appeal to your customers’ needs and interests
• Make it memorable
• Protect it by trademark

There’s one brand I’ve been using since, well, since I was a baby. It complies with the first three branding bullets, and I don’t think it’s suffered from ignoring the fourth: Johnson's.

Johnson’s baby powder. Johnson’s baby shampoo. Johnson’s baby oil.

Only the word “Johnson’s” is a registered trademark – and capitalized. The products themselves have common names and are in unassuming lower case.

Still the power of the brand persists.I know what I’m getting every single time. It looks and feels and smells exactly the same as my earliest memories.

Maybe Johnson & Johnson wouldn’t be so successful in its baby-care product line if it launched them today. Maybe it’s plain luck that J&J got there first and has lasted the longest.

Maybe I’d still buy these products if they had fancier names – something like Johnson’s SkinMagic Oil for Babies and Adults, or Johnson’s SilkySmooth Talc for Sticky Moments.

But I’m glad they don’t.

Baby powder works for me, as a name and as a product. And I'm the only baby in my house.

Going animal for your brand

Naming a company is nothing to be taken lightly. Or  maybe it is. Consider the number of businesses that have decided to go animal for their brand.

• Barkbox.com delivers a monthly box of goodies for your dog.
• Dogpile.com is a search engine that combines results from other leading search engines.
• DuckDuckGo.com searches the Web without annoying filters than can limit search results.
• Aflac isn't named for a duck, but the company is now synonymous with one, having gained 90 percent brand awareness since introducing the Aflac Duck.
• Likewise, GEICO is synonymous with a gecko, drawing inspiration for its mascot from a common mispronunciation of its name.
• Tucows.com (two cows) is global provider of domain names and other Internet services.
• SnapFish.com offers custom digital prints and gifts from personal photos, and PicMonkey.com is an editing site that touts “fearless photo embitterment.”
• SurveyMonkey.com offers free online survey software and questionnaire tools.

Like animals themselves, there are many more breeds...er, I mean brands out there with names borrowed from our fine furry or feathered friends.

Still, naming experts continue to tout abstract names, informative names, and even made-up names. I can’t remember reading any advice about looking to your pet for inspiration.

If that were the case, my freelance writing business might have been called Purr-fect Prose instead of Amy Ink.

A better mousetrap?

For some reason, mousetraps are often invoked when the subject of product innovation is discussed. "Build a better mousetrap, and the world will beat a path to your door."

I get the concept, but sometimes its application escapes me. Take dental floss. It's the one product I know where only a small bit gets used. You pull off a long string, wrap it around your fingers several times, and then use a little section for just a few seconds before throwing it away.

So how many types of dental floss does the world really need? A lot, apparently, as I found on my last trip down the dental-supply aisle. Once home, a quick search on Amazon returned 864 results for dental floss and flossers (for those who want to add another level of sophistication to the process).

It amazes me to find soooooooo many varieties of something I used to consider a commodity.

There's woven floss and waxed shred-resistant tape. Procter & Gamble's Crest brand sells Glide and a new, improved version -- Comfort Plus -- billed as "Twice as Soft as Glide Original!" Johnson & Johnson sells Reach, a brand that includes a "Gum Care" version embedded with fluoride and "Total Care Plus Whitening," which has "micro-grooves technology plus baking soda" to remove stains "like coffee, tea and wine." 

And let's not forget flavors: mint, cinnamon, even banana (from Monkey Floss, natch).

Talk about brand extensions. Geesh. I don't know if all this innovation has made the orally conscious beat a path to J&J's or P&G's doors, but my own medicine cabinet is messy with samples spilling off the shelves.

I can't believe one type of floss is that much better than another; still, it doesn't hurt to try.

Filling the Gap

The Gap is creating quite a stir with its logo, and I'm still scratching my head. Not about its decision to scrap the old logo. Or the choice of its new logo. I just can't figure out why people seem to really care.

Now it's gone viral.

Fast Company has posted an exclusive interview with NewLogo, in which it whines, "...I have feelings! I have a friggin Twitter account! The only way to deal with the pain is comfort eating. Pretty soon I'll be type set in Helvetica Neue Black." (@gaplogo)


Not to be outdone, OldLogo is also tweeting, @OldGapLogo.

Yes, I realize it's all good fun. And I'm sure this will become another success story for the power of social networks.

But the real winner? The Gap, natch. It doesn't matter if people love or hate the logo, as long as they keep talking about the Gap. And the value of all this exposure? Priceless.

UPDATED Oct. 12, 2010: Gap ditched its new logo mere days after this post. (I claim no responsibility.) Responds NewLogo on Twitter: "I HAD feelings. Jerks. Now I'm just numb – I don't know who I am anymore!" And from OldGapLogo: "Well...looks like my work here is done. Peace. I'm out."

Birds of a social feather

Over the summer, I decided to become more social. I read "Socialnomics," by Erik Qualman, and while I was underwhelmed by the book, the add-on Amazon purchase turned out to be a winner: "Twitterville," by Shel Israel. From there, it was only a matter of time before I started tweeting (@4amyink).

So far, it's been fun and an education. I've even been around to see the birth of the "New Twitter," which is much like the old Twitter only more so.

One noticeable difference is a more consistent look in the branding. The new icon is simpler, cleaner, and less cartoon-ish; it's an outline of the bird in flight.

It also reminds me of a more established brand. One that's found in millions of homes across America and around the world: Dove, a personal care brand owned by Unilever.

Several years ago, Dove started a campaign to do away with the hype and stereotypes about beauty. As the brand Web site says, "Dove provides a refreshingly real alternative for women who recognise that beauty comes in all shapes and sizes."

Similarly, Twitter provides a refreshingly real alternative for everyone and anyone to have their voices heard in the realm of social media.

Brand smart?

Branding helps companies create a personality for themselves, instant recognition in the general public, and customer loyalty to certain products and services. At least it does when done right.

Most companies put a lot of time and money into the numerous components of branding, which starts with the company name. So what happens when that name -- the first thing a potential customer or employee or business partner sees -- is less than appealing?

Here are some of my un-faves:

• The Dump: TV ads for this bargain furniture store stick in my head because of the amazing number of times the announcer repeats the company name in an annoying way. As for the name, I thought the whole reason to buy new furniture was to keep your home from looking like a dump.
• Rent-A-Wreck: This name under promises and over delivers. That's usually a recipe for success. But with cars, the word "wreck" is an accident waiting to happen. It makes me think the car I rent won't be reliable, and it doesn't matter if I trash it because it's a wreck anyway.
• Goof Off: I actually use (and like) this self-proclaimed "miracle remover" (another misnomer because it doesn't really remove miracles). What it does remove are all the spills, drips, and splotches I leave behind. But Goof Off? If I'm working that hard to clean up after myself, I'm certainly not goofing off. But I guess it's a better name than Obsessive Compulsive Cleaner.

I thought long and hard before naming my own business. It was in the midst of trying out some options when AMY INK became shorthand for this venture I started in 2000. And the moniker stuck. Still, it can create confusion. Some people say it's a good thing I'm a writer, with a name like Amy Ink.

The band, the brand, and the bankroll

Brands are bigger than ever these days...and so are Mick Jagger's lips. Not quite a million dollar smile (sold for $92,500 to the veddy British Vic), but pretty great for a nyeah-nyeah, in-your-face pop art design. And how ironic that the very icon of anti-establishment sentiment has been monetized to pay for the education of the artist's son. Private school, no doubt.

Much more (and better) info about the sale on the Creative Review blog and BBC News.