What exactly do you do?

I write for a living. For businesses. So naturally my ear is attuned to copy, especially when it’s intended to draw readers into learning more about a company.

Recently I ran across several examples of epic fail.

Below are word-for-word descriptions from actual websites (with original typos and grammar glitches).

BTW: I still don’t know exactly what these companies do.

• We at [company name] earned vertical niches in global industry through our ability to respond to our clients with custom solutions that resolve issues rather than conceal conceptual and architectural flaws with boiler-plate responses that never quite fit the client’s need. Capability, ingenuity, response, and a commitment to excellence are the foundation of every [company name] relationship.
  
• [Company name]is the business improvement company that helps you motivate the people who drive your business. We providing tailored solutions that help you get the most out of your most valuable assets: your people.
  
• For companies seeking specific bio-based solutions, we orchestrate the disparate activities that facilitate technology development in order to deliver a customized solution. Specifically, we work hand-in-hand with you to identify relevant technology and determine its technical feasibility. If technical feasibility is promising, we will collaborate to develop, scale-up and deliver a de-risked commercially-viable technology package customized to your precise needs.

A Google search of “customized solutions” turned up 2,370,000 results. In 0.40 seconds

Hard to believe there’s that degree of customization among companies that lack the creativity to simply explain who they are and what they do.

You don't have to be a writer to recognize lazy writing -- or to shudder at what this implies for the brand or the business.